Over and over again, research tells
us that social support is important.
Without friends and family to be there for you, life can be
depressing. Personally, I know
that without my loved ones, I would be in big trouble. But is it any kind of social support
that will do? Or does quality matter more than quantity?
In the facebook era, we have lots
of quantity. My last facebook post
had 9 likes and 6 comments. Look
at all that social support coming my way! There are at least 15 people who care
about my well-being. But is that
enough to really give me all the benefits of social support? I’m not so sure.
I don’t want to bash facebook,
because I do think it helps people get connected and stay in touch. However, I believe it is the quality of friendships that provides the
most fulfillment rather than the amount of surface friends one has. With technology today, we can provide
the illusion of friendship without the substance. You have a cardboard cutout of a friend to sit beside you,
but they really have no idea what is going on in your life beyond what you post
on your wall. It is the same
information that the kid from your 8th grade science class knows as
well, but it gives your friend the affirmation that they are still involved in
your life. Facebook and twitter
are much easier than phone calls and visits, and I know I often fall into the
trap of going to what is easier rather than what is meaningful.
This leads me to the question, what
is a real friend? I think this is
different for every person. I know
someone is a true friend when I can trust them, depend on them, and open up to
them without worrying about their judgment. They are someone who is interested in what is going on in my
life, someone who let’s me know that they care, and someone who brings joy into
my life—and that I am the same to them, as well. I know I am not doing my best job at supporting my friend
when I am too busy or exhausted to pick up the phone. I know there are many friendships that I am neglecting, but
really do value.
Are you stuck in a virtual
friendship? Are you finding that
you know more about your friend from her facebook page than from her face? Sherry Turkle gives a fresh perspective
on the influence of technology on relationships in her TED talk at http://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_alone_together.html. I’m suggesting a new friend request—not
on a social media site, but time spent together lifting each other’s
spirits. Friends are about
connection, so increase the quality of your connection through encouraging
words or a fun time together. It
may take more work or be inconvenient with your schedule, but the opportunity
to connect, to support, and to have fun will bring benefits to your mental and
physical health in the long run!
Shauna
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