Help! Crying baby!

Do I let my baby “cry it out?”

             You’re tired. Your baby is crying. You might be wondering, do I have to do something about it every time?  Aren’t we supposed to let babies “cry it out” sometimes? Here is what we really know about a baby’s cries:

Crying is a tool. In fact, it is the only tool that your baby has to signal that she needs something from you. She does not yet have the ability to soothe herself or take care of herself. Crying is unpleasant to adults so we can be motivated to do something about it!

What we do about it matters. From the moment your baby is born, he begins to form expectations about the world. He can learn that the world is a safe, predictable environment where growth and exploration is possible. He can also learn that the world is scary and out of control. Do parents have the power to influence this learning process? Yes!

Soothing a crying baby. When their cries are ignored, babies do not learn that they have any control over their feelings. On the other hand, a consistent response teaches babies that they have some way of helping themselves feel better (getting you to respond). Your baby will learn best if you respond every time to her cries, no matter what time of day it is (see helpful link below). Eventually, your baby will learn to soothe herself. Here are some tips:

·         Give the baby a warm bath.

·         Go for a walk or ride with the baby to get some fresh air.

·         For more tips, go to: http://goo.gl/LKeKi

            One last thing – don’t worry if you have missed your baby’s cries in the past. A few bad experiences will not hurt her. Rather, the day in, day out experience of your care will be what helps her learn to trust you. By the end of the first year of life, your baby will be finding ways to help soothe herself. At this point, you will have taught her important ways to calm herself down and regulate herself – a key characteristic of healthy people.

To Listen is to Care

to listen: to give attention with the ear

To listen has been defined as giving attention with the ear. In relationships, however, listening involves more than just the ear. Real listening means to really care about what the other person is saying. Genuine listening is an important part of strong relationships. Spouses, parents, and children all need to feel heard in order to feel loved.  To listen is to care.

How often do you really listen? How often to you really feel that someone is listening to you?

I recently met with a mom and her son who were having some problems. The mom was always tired and stressed and the son would always get in trouble at school and at home. Both felt mad at the other. As I was talking with the mom about her son, we realized that she doesn’t ever really listen to what he says to her. At the same time, we realized that the son doesn’t ever really listen to what his mom says to him. Neither of them feel like talking because the other person doesn’t listen!  There may be many things that prevent us from listening (busyness, I pods), but the main cause is that we probably do not feel heard ourselves. It is very hard to listen when we feel like others don’t listen to us.

But you can break the cycle. Although it may be really hard, try to take an extra minute and really listen and care about what someone is telling you. You will be amazed at how good it feels. And as you listen more, people will listen to you.

To listen is to care.