Helping Kids Talk About Feelings

Helping kids talk about feelings!

In this podcast, Dr Ellen Abell of Auburn University discusses her work with young children and gives pointers on how parents can help their own kids talk about and express emotions constructively.

Your Own Worst Enemy

Emotions are important, and as therapists, we’re expected to want to know, “How do you feel about that?” However, feelings don’t arrive all by themselves. They are interconnected with our thoughts and our behaviors, too.

Our thoughts are particularly powerful. Thoughts can be uplifting, or they can be poison. I am sure this is true for men as well, but over and over again I hear the poisonous thoughts that women think about themselves. Whether it is a client or a friend, women bully themselves constantly. Thoughts like “I’m not good enough”, “I’m too fat”, or “No man will ever love me” are all too common. Things that we would never allow others to say to us, we tell ourselves everyday. We are so hypercritical of ourselves, and the big kicker is most of these powerful thoughts aren’t even true!

These negative thoughts don’t just cloud our heads from seeing the beauty within, but they actually make us feel terrible. When we think negative things about ourselves, we can feel sad, angry, ashamed, or anxious. If we think positive thoughts, we can feel happy, peaceful, grateful, or content. Think about this: you can receive one of two cards from a friend. One is filled with criticism and disrespect. The other is filled with praise and encouragement. Depending on the card you receive, your feelings could be very different. So why are we constantly giving ourselves the card full of mean remarks? Our thoughts play a role in how we feel, and one way to make ourselves feel better is to start changing the way we think.

Our thoughts also influence our behaviors. Have you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? This is when we think something will happen and thus create a situation where this prediction can come true. When we think badly about ourselves, we act in a way that reflects our negative view. We behave in ways that confirm our thoughts that we’re not good enough or no one will like us. These negative thoughts also influence the way that we interact with others, making healthy relationships with others a challenge.

What are the thoughts you are telling yourself? We all do it. Take note of what negative thoughts you are thinking and how they influence your emotions and behaviors. Then you need to challenge those thoughts and replace them with positive ones. Be kind to yourself. Apply the “Golden Rule” of treating others the way you want to be treated to the way in which you treat yourself. Of course, this isn’t an easy task. If your thoughts are overwhelmingly negative, you may need to seek additional help from a therapist to challenge and change your self-talk. Don't be your own worst enemy---now is the time to start being your own best friend.

- Shauna