As the new school year kicks off, an opportunity arises to create new goals and routines for the whole family, conveying your parental expectations and deepening your family connection.
Goals are actionable, achievable, and specific: If your child was a “C” student last year, “getting 100% on every assignment” is probably too big of a leap to expect. Instead, work with your child to set a reasonable goal that they are invested in achieving. Something like “turning in every assignment complete” or “improving grades in 3 subjects this semester” will point toward more specific actions your child can take to achieve the goal.
Routines are self-reinforcing activities that happen regularly (every day or week). If it takes asking your child 5 times to get off the video game before he comes to supper, that is the routine that is established in your household. Creating new routines is hard, especially when it involves the impulsivity and self-focus of kids. However, if parents can be firm and creative in establishing “how things go” day-to-day, healthier, more efficient routines can emerge. It takes 21 days to establish a new habit- Don’t give up!
Expectations are how you convey to your kids what you want them to do and how you want them to behave. Be clear and positive when conveying expectations. Instead of “don’t goof off in class,” try “I want you to pay attention when the teacher is talking.” Instead of “don’t sit in front of the TV so much,” try “I want you to finish your homework and play outside before supper.” If kids are told exactly what you want them to do, there’s less ammo for whining and hair-splitting arguments about behavior.
Connection is the mutual love and support showed by a family. Staying connected to your kids through daily conversations about their life will assure them that you care about their day-to-day choices and feelings. According to the Adolescent Substance Abuse Knowledge Base, parental involvement is associated with lower rates of teen drug use. Connection will also encourage open communication from all family members. Perhaps if your kid has a question about how to act or what to do, she will turn to you instead of a peer as a result of a family connection.
As your family decides how they want this school year to go, keep in mind these 3 steps for intentionality:
1. Plan for things rather than reacting to them.
2. If you don’t like something, fix it right away.
3. If after a concerted effort you can’t fix it, seek help.
Happy Back-to-School!
